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  • Writer's pictureBruce P. Grether

Hermes & Pan & the Origins of Masturbation

by Bruce P. Grether

Male masturbation is sometimes said to have an origin, a beginning. Though this is a mythological story, it signifies important truths for you and all men today about this marvelous and mysterious part of our human existence! Use your imagination to go back to an Ancient Greek times before history began, when the Elder Gods, those Titans who were among the first children of the Earth and Sky ruled the world.

The Great God Pan is an ithyphallic deity, which means he usually shown with a full erection. When a later generation, the Olympian Gods took over, earlier myths were changed. Later it was falsely claimed that the Hermes, Messenger of Olympus, was the father of Pan. Being the God of Nature of course Pan was actually far older than the Olympians.

Swift and frisky young Hermes was a son of Zeus who became the patron of sports, athletes, young men, commerce, crossroads, thieves, liars, sleep, dreams and also a guide for souls to the Underworld. Brilliant and mischievous, with winged sandals and hat he also flew about as Messenger of the Gods. He carried a fancy wand (the Caduceus) that brought peace and harmony, but like all wands signify, it actually represented his phallus.

However, Hermes was not truly the father of Pan. Two generation before, his grandfather Kronos, King of the Titans strayed far from his wife Rhea. In the wild woods of Arcadia, Kronos copulated with a monstrous she-goat called Aix. She was one of Gaia's first children, her Beloved Monsters. When Aix, gave birth to the baby Pan, wWith little maternal instinct, she turns the infant over to the Nature Spirits of Arcadia.

Pan was always randy. Constantly erect, he coupled with anyone or anything he could: nymphs, shepherdesses, shepherds, even sheep and goats. His desire was never satisfied. He often fell in love, but the objects of his lust tended to escape him by changing into something else. This failed to quench his lively enthusiasm and he even stirred up something called pandemonium with his noisy exuberance! He often inspired panic!

Among his unrequited loves was the river nymph Syrinx. When she changed into a bed of reeds to escape him, to make the best of it, Pan fashioned his famed musical. Later, after Zeus defeated his father Kronos and ruled from Mount Olympus, when dashing young Hermes began to flit about on errands, he noticed Pan in the woodlands of Arcadia and being amiable, befriended him.

At first, Hermes tried introducing his great uncle Pan to the rest of his family. He carried him up to Olympus, but Pan's hooves clattered loudly the marble floors and he was too wild for that opulent palace. So instead, Hermes would visit him in Arcadia. Being a young, and virile male, Hermes invented something new: male masturbation.

Thrilled with his new invention, Hermes flew down to Arcadia, where he taught this new skill to his Woodland friend. Pan took to the practice avidly, and though he was no less wild thereafter, his character shifted from needy lust to the powerful fulfillment of his own desires, using his own hands. He no longer needed to chase others for pure penis pleasure.

Thereafter, what Hermes invented and taught to Pan became a gift to all men. Now it is in your hands! Now every man's erection is a reflection of this divine gift, the potential embodies between your legs, and the choice becomes yours!

Every human male inherits this traditional gift. The Messenger of the Gods in his inventiveness created the practice and share it with his forest friend, who became its champion!

Feel needy no more--know your natural abundance! Just as Hermes and Pan masturbated together in the wild woods of Arcadia and it became a genuine Phallic Forest, so you can share masturbation with your fellow men in their honor!

You have everything you need by the fact of your embodied humanity, those powers of the Caduceus, which is actually the phallic power of Hermes that he shared with Pan.

Lord Pan as Teacher

(His student is, of course, age 18+)

The presence and power of Pan endures despite later religious authorities who shaped their imaginary "Devil" in his image. Thus religions condemn our wholesome, healthy enjoyment of male masturbation and all forms of pure penis pleasure. In the 21st Century, we reclaim this ancient and sacred tradition!

One important thing you learn from the Great God Pan is not just that his common image is half animal, but entirely animal. Humans are 100% animals--an honor!

The name "Pan" means "all" or "inclusive of" or "everything." So that's close to my own feelings about deity and divinity, for Nature or the Universe itself is my "God."

When high states of phallic bliss generated via my erect penis seem to expand me into connection with All Things, this too is a manifestation of the presence of the Great God Pan. Anytime you are in Nature and you take your shirt off or get naked, think of Pan! Masturbate in Nature and become One with Pan!

"Every erection is a resurrection," and I also say that "Every erection is a celebration of the Great God Pan." After millennia, Pan remains powerfully present in the 21st Century.

In recent literature, Pan has made important appearances in THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS by Kenneth Grahame, and JITTERBUG PERFUME by Tom Robbins. In Grahame's beloved stories of four great animal friends, Ratty and Mole discover that the lost baby otter has been protected from harm by the Piper at theGates of Dawn.

Among his appearances in historical times, is one that gives the meaning to the word "Marathon," especially to major athletic events. Athens was threatened by the Persians and sent their fastest runner, a man named Phidippides 150 miles to Sparta, asking for help. The Spartans refused. Poor Phidippides began the exhausting run back to Athens with the bad news. Along the way, greatly discouraged he paused to rest.

Pan had become aware that though revered long ago, his worship was almost forgotten. He came to Phidippides and promised that if the Athenians resumed revering him, he would help. Pan suggested that he masturbate to rebuild his energy, but not ejaculate. Athens listened, and defeated an immense Persian army that greatly out-numbered them! The Battle of Marathon took place in 490 BCE.

As we cover our beloved planet Earth (Gaia) with a Phallic Forest again, including the nearly 4 billion human penises aboard, it helps to remember Pan often!

Around the time when Christ was born, off the coast of Greece one stormy night a sailer reported hearing a voice scream from the shore: "The Great God Pan is dead!" Some believe this was actually part of a Dionysian rite of death and rebirth. A contemporary song by The Waterboys celebrates this event. Click the image above or click HERE to listen!

Regardless of what that meant, the Great God Pan is very much alive!

The beloved Lebanese-American author Kahlil Gibran wrote that "In a dream I saw Jesus and my God Pan sitting together in the heart of a forest." Gibran's account tells of how there was no conflict between these divine beings, rather they played music together!

In ancient Greece at every crossroads stood ritual pillars called "Herms." In a real sense they combined the significance of those fond relatives, Hermes and Pan. At the top was a handsome bearded head and below that on the upright shaft, a might phallus protruded. Some scholar believe this is actually related to Lord Min, the major Phallic God of ancient Egypt.

Min was closely tied with Atum, Lord of the Primordial Mound, a Creator God who masturbated to keep himself from dissolving back into the Voice he emerged from. After he reached a certain pitch of arousal, he ejaculated into his own mouth. Atum coughed out two drops of semen who became Ancestors of all the other Egyptian Gods.

Thus there' really nothing new about your adoration of the penis, erections, masturbation and masturbating with fellow men as creative activities.

Some things have not changed much in the millennia since Atum, Min, Pan and Hermes appeared on the scene in Egypt and Greece. "Hermes Trismegistus" is said to have been an Egyptian sage and alchemist, author of "The Hermetica." Now we understand that Alchemy was basically the transformative power of masturbatory semen retention.

"All things that go around come around," right? Above, you see just a few of the 37 hours (so far!) of profound and beautiful videos we offer you on our OnlyFans Phallic Brotherhood page. You can join HERE or by clicking the image above. That will enrich your practice and also provide at least some support to our Mindful Masturbation Mission.

On Jan. 17th, our Guided Group Session via Z00M had 33 men signed up, and was incredible! Don't miss the next one on Thu., February 17th, 2022 @ 2:00 PM – 3:00 PM CST. We invite you to ejaculate or not in honor of the Virgo Full Moon. Sign up HERE, or click the image below.

I've got my own relationship with Pan as my personal Lord and Satyr, but that's another story!


Much Love,


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